looking for my thing

As I sit to write my first blog entry, I’m not sure it’s my thing. Doubt creeps in and I wonder if I have anything meaningful to say. I’ve never had a thing, I guess. It’s bothered me through the years. I’m not particularly artistic. I’m surely not athletic. I’ve never stuck with a hobby. Even without a “thing” my life is full and beautiful. It’s all I’ve ever wanted and more. The past four years or so especially have been a blur of love and laughter that   I am so grateful for. I’ve  looked at my husband over the years several times and literally said “pinch me… Is this real?” We are so fortunate and happy.

That brings me to the original thought of this blog. My husband is deploying for the better part of a year very soon.  It seems like the feel good soundtrack that’s been playing in the background of our lives is on it’s last song.  The person who has brought me all the love and laughter is leaving for an unknown amount of time, but likely somewhere in the range of ten months. TEN MONTHS.  We have two small children. That amount of time is unfathomable from where I sit right now. Heck, sometimes even waiting for him to get off work and having a couple hours to go seems like a long time after a day with my Bugsy and Boo.  Imagining managing this crazy, sweet, hilarious chaos alone is something I’m still wrapping my mind around.

I know, I know. It’s not forever. There’s still so much to be thankful for. He IS  coming back. He WILL still support us, from afar. This isn’t death or divorce.  Our children are healthy.  We will still be able to communicate.  It will inevitably change us, though. We will all settle into new norms without one another. What will our two-year-old daddy’s girl think? How will our five-year-old son adjust to yet another change in his little life?  What will it be like when he returns?

I’ll have to flex muscles I don’t use much. I’ll have to take care of things I’ve been lucky enough to have a partner do until now.  I will have to learn to balance work and kids and alllll the things without the steady hand that is my husband.  I’ll grow and become more confident in myself, I hope. We will make sure our kids feel their dad’s love from across the world. We will make sure that he feels our love, too. We will make it.

I hope this blog helps me reflect on what surely will be a challenging year.  As I write this I realize my “thing” is my family.  It’s the only thing I’ve ever really been positive that I wanted.  I have it, and I’m so proud of it.  It’s better than any other hobby or “thing” I can think of.  Thank you for reading this far, and thank you to our friends and family who already support us and will continue to through the next year. Stay tuned for more adventures with Bugsy and Boo. ❤️